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Eponymous​/​/​Absconding from Life

by Absconding Life

/
1.
Hamartia X 02:20
The moment I flicked the switch her life faded away. In the final cold breeze, even the air stopped dead and stagnant and wretched. I was alone. I have never been so alone since her corpse stared blindly up at me. Through this I sallow, for when my time comes I will have no one left to pull the trigger, to tie the rope, to flick the switch and I will live in agony for my temporary eternity of uselessness. The curtains were drawn to the window, as she exhaled one final time. The world is breathing, blood pulses in every tiny contour. Oh how I wish for every new face I pass each day in the street, from every beautiful stranger's voice, how I dream that one day one will reach outwards to me and say, “I’ll kill you when the time comes.”
2.
3.
I had a dream last night that we kissed for the first time. You dragged me by the tongue into the middle of a motorway, and as your hands clawed my face, mine clawed back, stretching towards your eyes as you chewed off and swallowed my tongue. You told me you loved me and stapled my mouth shut. How typical for the tallest mountain of pain to drain entirely into me before being hit by a truck three seconds later. Three seconds: the exact time it took you to wipe the blood off your lips and take six steps back. With a fourth there could have been a wave, and with two hundred-and-five more the blood would have filled my lungs, forced open my lips, torn off my face, and I could have screamed, "I love you." back. I see you now walking down the hallway. I turn my head as you walk past. My lips quiver and open a hair's breadth, but then you staple them shut again, for now, and for all eternity. Fifteen weeks from now when I'm rotting in my grave, the air from my last breath will be begging to be set free.
4.
It is snowing in my brain. Snow-blisters on the back of my eyes are obfuscating the dark thoughts you try to pry out. I am a sequestered mass of epitomised errors and wrongdoings.
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about

P̶̶̶o̶̶̶s̶̶̶s̶̶̶i̶̶̶b̶̶̶l̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶̶̶m̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶̶̶m̶̶̶o̶̶̶s̶̶̶t̶̶̶ ̶̶̶c̶̶̶r̶̶̶e̶̶̶a̶̶̶t̶̶̶i̶̶̶v̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶a̶̶̶n̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶v̶̶̶a̶̶̶r̶̶̶i̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶r̶̶̶e̶̶̶l̶̶̶e̶̶̶a̶̶̶s̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶o̶̶̶ ̶̶̶d̶̶̶a̶̶̶t̶̶̶e̶̶̶,̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶i̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶̶̶w̶̶̶a̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶̶̶p̶̶̶r̶̶̶o̶̶̶d̶̶̶u̶̶̶c̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶w̶̶̶e̶̶̶e̶̶̶k̶̶̶ ̶̶̶I̶̶̶ ̶̶̶w̶̶̶a̶̶̶s̶̶̶ ̶̶̶v̶̶̶e̶̶̶r̶̶̶y̶̶̶ ̶̶̶e̶̶̶x̶̶̶c̶̶̶i̶̶̶t̶̶̶e̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶o̶̶̶ ̶̶̶s̶̶̶e̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶D̶̶̶o̶̶̶m̶̶̶i̶̶̶n̶̶̶i̶̶̶q̶̶̶u̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶f̶̶̶o̶̶̶r̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶h̶̶̶e̶̶̶ ̶̶̶s̶̶̶e̶̶̶c̶̶̶o̶̶̶n̶̶̶d̶̶̶ ̶̶̶t̶̶̶i̶̶̶m̶̶̶e̶̶̶.̶̶̶



I would do it all again in an instant. Maybe at the end of this life, it'll all dissolve back to an alternate reality where things actually worked out. I imagine the seas are littered with diamond rings.

credits

released October 18, 2013

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Absconding Life London, UK

Not-for-profit experimental music project. Any money received by me will go directly to a registered charity of your choice. If none is specified it will go to this month's charity: The Orchid Project.

Please see the Tumblr post linked below for more information.

P.S. Hello Genevieve, I love you. You are great.
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